


Can't Touch This

by CJ_fics



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Big Belly Burger, F/M, Hold-up situation, Humor, olicity - Freeform, unestablished relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-25
Updated: 2014-12-25
Packaged: 2018-03-03 12:33:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2850983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CJ_fics/pseuds/CJ_fics
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Criminals in Starling City know never to harm petite, bespectacled blondes with ponytails lest they want the Arrow hunting them down.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Can't Touch This

All Felicity Smoak wanted was a Belly Buster Burger.   
  
She had spent most of the evening fixing bugs on the facial recognition software she has been developing for Team Arrow. After the last bug was fixed and the software was finally ready to be deployed, she decided to reward herself with a midnight Big Belly Burger snack.   
  
Distracted with thoughts of a cheesy, double patty burger with bacon (don’t tell her mother!), onions and extra pickles, she hadn’t paid attention to the four young people seated in a booth near the entrance of the diner. So when one of them took out a handgun and fired a shot to the ceiling, she was so surprised, she squeaked then promptly fell of  off her chair. She quickly righted herself and knelt on the floor, trying to not to call the attackers’ attention to herself as she pressed the panic button that would alert Team Arrow of what’s going on.  
  
 _"Nobody move! Anyone who moves, gets hurt,"_ says one of them. He’s a tall, muscular guy. Felicity calls him Muscles in her head. He’s standing in the middle of the diner. He shouts, _"Now, everyone, hand over your wallets!"_  
  
One of the would be robbers heads straight for the cashier, points a gun to one of the Big Belly Burger staff and says, _"Give us everything in there! Now!"_ The voice is female and she’s almost as tall as Muscles. Lady Boss, Felicity thinks.  
  
Lady Boss was pointing the gun at Carly Diggle, who had the unfortunate luck to be closest to the cashier’s booth. Carly immediately looks to Felicity in panic. Felicity tries to assure her with a slight nod that everything will be fine.  
  
 _"Who are you looking at, missy?"_ Lady Boss asks, pointing the gun nearer to Carly’s face.  
  
 _"Uhhh… Nothing,"_ Carly mumbles.   
  
But it was too late, Muscles and Lady Boss already had their attention on Felicity. Lady Boss motions to one of their other companions who promptly makes his way to her.   
  
_"Don’t be a hero, blondie,"_ he says as he grabs her ponytail to pull her on her feet. He stands behind her with the tip of his gun on her right temple. Felicity names him Asshole.  
  
 _"Dude! Don’t!"_ It was the final member of the Quartet Gang, as Felicity has called them in her head. She sounded like a young woman and was the tiniest of the group. Smarty Pants.  
  
 _"What? Why?"_ Asshole says, irritated and pressing his gun deeper  into Felicity’s temple.  
  
 _"Blonde, short, ponytail, glasses. That’s the Arrow’s girlfriend!"_ Smarty pants says, leaving her task of relieving the diner patrons of their wallets to head closer to where Felicity and Asshole were standing.  
  
 _"Excuse me? I’m—"_ Felicity begins. _The Arrow’s girlfriend! How dare they call her that!_  
  
 _"Don’t leave your post!"_ Lady Boss warns Smarty Pants.   
  
_"Look, guys, you know what the Arrow would do to us, if we harm her? He will hunt us down and kill us! Remember The Count? He stuck three arrows in him and pushed him down thirty five floors for her!"_ Smarty Pants insists, heading back to her position near the door.

_That was not what happened,_ Felicity fumes internally.  
  
 _"How do you know she’s the Arrow’s girlfriend?"_ Muscle asks, looking at Smarty Pants distractedly, keeping an eye and his gun on the diner customers.  
  
 _"Yeah, do you really think the Arrow’s girlfriend eats at Big Belly Burger? Really?"_ Asshole says, refusing to move from his spot behind Felicity but moving the gun a bit farther from Felicity’s head.   
  
_Oh, Asshole, you would pee your pants, if you find out that the Arrow loves the Big Belly All Protein Burger,_ Felicity smirks.  
  
 _"In the Arrow fan boards, there have been reports that the Arrow has been seen with a short, blonde lady with glasses. And the rumours surrounding The Count’s murder says they saw a blonde chick being questioned by SCPD at the scene of the crime,"_ Smarty Pants says.   
  
_"That’s The Canary!"_ Asshole insists. _"She’s the blonde the Arrow has been spotted with! Not this nerd!"_

_Nerd?!?!_ Felicity really, really wants to stomp on Asshole’s foot and then kick him in the gonads.

_"No, The Canary is different_ ," Smarty Pants says.   
  
_"Yeah,"_ Lady Boss adds. _"The Canary is curvier than this one for sure!"_

_Curvier?!?! Dammit. But Lady Boss is right. Damn you, rectangular body shape!_ Felicity frowns.

_"No, guys. The Canary is different from the blonde lady with glasses that hangs out with the Arrow! The Canary is like his fighting buddy, the tiny blonde is the Arrow’s girlfriend!"_ Smarty Pants argues.   
  
_"Yeah, and if this chick is The Canary, don’t you think that she would have kicked our asses by now?"_ Muscles agrees.  
  
 _Great Google, help me from Arrow fanatics_ , Felicity sighs. Then she realises that she can use this to her advantage and keep Carly and the rest of the people in the diner safe.  
  
 _"Listen to her,"_ Felicity says, pointing to Smarty Pants. “ _I frequent the Arrow fan boards, too. She knows what she’s talking about.”_  
  
 _"Are you the Arrow’s girlfriend?"_ Lady Boss asks, doubting.  
  
 _"Do you really think I’ll answer that question truthfully, if I were?"_ Felicity smirks. _Just be confident, Felicity. Make them think that your the Arrow’s girlfriend even if there is no way in hell that you would be. Unthinkable, remember? Just fake it until you can come up with a plan. You’ve done this before with Slade, remember?_  
  
 _"But seriously, is it worth the risk of having the Arrow hunting you four down? Why don’t you just take the money and go? No need to hurt anyone,"_ Felicity says. By now, Asshole’s gun was nowhere near her head. He had stepped away from her.  
  
 _"She’s right, guys. We should stick to the plan. No hurting anyone,"_ Smart Pants agrees.  
  
Before anyone else can say or do anything, the big glass windows at the front of the diner shatters and the Arrow jumps into the restaurant, landing on top of the bar. Two other men follow. One clad in red, who lands floor near Muscles, quickly subduing Muscles. Another man, taller and more muscular and clad in black immediately disarms Smarty Pants.   
  
As far as dramatic entrances, Felicity thinks this one deserves a 10 out of 10.   
  
The Arrow immediately turns to look at Felicity and asks in his distorted voice, “ _Are you OK?”_  
  
Felicity snorts and nods her head.  
  
Asshole quickly steps away from her, drops his gun and raises his hands in surrender, _"I swear I didn’t hurt her! I swear, I swear! Not a hair on her head! OK. I might have pulled on her ponytail a bit and pressed a gun to her head, but that was it, I swear!"_  
  
The Arrow growls, shoots an arrow to Asshole’s right knee, who crumples to the floor, crying, and begs, _"Please don’t kill me."_

Felicity glares at Oliver, non-verbally telling him that that was a bit overkill. He clenches his jaws and shakes his head once to signal his disagreement. She rolls her eyes at him, _We’ll talk about this later, mister_.

Lady Boss, taking advantage of the non-verbal conversation happening between the tiny blonde and the Arrow and thinking that she can still salvage the situation with a hostage points her gun at Felicity.

Immediately, the hand holding the gun is impaled with a custom-made green arrow, causing the gun to drop on the floor.

The Arrow, another arrow knocked on his bow, says to her in a distorted voice, _"You shouldn’t have done that."_

_Oh, we are so talking about this later, mister,_ Felicity fumes.  
  
——————————————-  
  
Later that night, the Arrow fan boards were abuzz with activity. One of the member of the board posted new rumours about an Arrow sighting at Big Belly Burger.   
  
**The Arrow Gossip Monger posts:**  
  
 _ **The Arrow Rescues Big Belly Burger from a Robbery**_  
  
 _The Arrow strikes again! This time at Big Belly Burger. Four young criminals attempted to hold the diner at gun point and take all of the cash from the diner and its customers. But they were no match for Team Arrow, who showed up fifteen minutes after the robbery started to apprehend the criminals. The Arrow and his team were in and out of there so quickly. It was amazing! Real pros, this team!_  
  
 _Now, you may wonder why a small-time robbery at a tiny diner with petty, teenage crooks would get the attention of the Arrow. Well, no crime is too big or too small for the Arrow and his team, I’m sure._

_But reports say that Big Belly Burger had an unidentified petite, blonde, bespectacled, beautiful young woman in its walls tonight. And we all know how the Arrow’s tastes run. Maybe that’s why he made an appearance at such a petty crime scene._   
  
_So all you would-be criminals out there, I advise that you stay away from any woman who fits that description. Lest you get an arrow in your hand or your knee or any other body part._  
  
Oliver Queen re-reads what he posted, satisfied, then shuts down his laptop. _Mission accomplished._

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt fic.
> 
> Original post: http://outoftheclosetshipper.tumblr.com/post/93389264478/are-you-taking-prompts-if-you-are-could-you


End file.
